Friday, January 27, 2012

Call me racist but this is funny you have to agree

Was watching amazing race and rememberd this you have to love the look on Tracy Morgans face

That's Funny

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Costa Concordia the lighter side

With apologies to all those of Italian origin and to those who contemplate a cruise in the Med.
# How do they serve alcoholic drinks on Italian cruise ships?   - On the rocks

# What vegetables do you get with dinner on Italian cruise ships?   - Leeks

# What's the fastest way to get off an Italian cruise ship?   -  Follow the captain

# When the captain of the ill fated Costa Concordia was asked if he knew where he was going he replied "off course." So the captain of the Costa Concordia will soon be in the dock.   That's more than can be said for his ship.

# I like my women how I like my Italian Cruises.    Wet, wrecked and ready to go down.

# The Costa Concordia is probably the most expensive thing to go down in Italy since Berlusconi's last hooker.

# What's the difference between the Italian economy and the stricken cruise liner Costa Concordia?
   Nothing - The bottoms dropped out of both.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Cape Town suffers a heatwave

Boy oh boy and was it hot temperatures soared to 41 deg centigrade or 105 deg Fahrenheit

So now you understand how hot it was!

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Beautiful you say so then why am I divorced?

Why I Am now Divorced

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel 
very well waking up on that morning. 
 
I went downstairs for breakfast  
hoping my husband would be pleasant and say,  
'Happy Birthday!',  
and possibly have a small present for me. 

  
As it turned out,  
he barely said good morning,  
let alone ' Happy Birthday.'  

 
 
I thought....   Well, that's marriage for you,  
but the kids.... they will remember.   


 
My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast
and didn't say a word..  

 
So when I left for the office,  
I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.  

 
 
As I walked into my office,  
my handsome Boss Rick, said,  
'Good Morning, lady,  
and by the way  
Happy Birthday! '   


 
It felt a little better  
that at least someone had remembered.   


 
I worked until one o'clock ,  
when Rick knocked on my door  
and said, 'You know,  
It's such a beautiful day outside,  
and it is your Birthday,  
what do you say we go out to lunch,  
just you and me..'   


 
I said, 'Thanks, Rick,  
that's the greatest thing  
I've heard all day. Let's go!'   

 
We went to lunch.  
But we didn't go where we normally would go.
He chose instead a quiet bistro  
with a private table.  
We had two martinis each  
and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.   


 
On the way back to the office,
Rick said, 'You know,  
It's such a beautiful day...  
We don't need to go straight back to the office,  
Do We?'   


 
I responded, 'I guess not.  
What do you have in mind?'  
He said, 'Let's drop by my place,  
it's just around the corner.'   


 
After arriving at his house,  
Rick turned to me and said,
If you don't mind,  
I'm going to step into the bedroom  
for just a moment.  
I'll be right back.'  
'Ok.' I nervously replied.  

 
He went into the bedroom and,  
after a couple of minutes,  
he came out  
carrying a huge birthday cake ...  
Followed by my husband 
my kids, and dozens of my friends  
and co-workers, all singing 'Happy Birthday'. 

  
And I just sat there....   
  
On the couch....   
Naked.


Tuesday, January 17, 2012

German Grandpa's have some stories

Politically incorrect i know
but oh hell still funny
Herman talks to he's German
grandpa Klaus
Oops that was a bugger up!

Grandpa you still a Nazi bastard
Nice one gramps





Monday, January 16, 2012

George the Great Dane a giant amongst dog's

Standing at nearly 1.09 Meters tall from paw to shoulder and weighing a staggering 111kg could this be the world's new tallest dog?

Pictured here in the parks of Tuscon, Arizona, George, a four-year-old blue great Dane, looks more like a Pony than a dog.


The gentle giant, who measures 2.22 meters from nose to tail, could be a prime contender to take the title from the former record holder, Gibson, a harlequin Great Dane who passed away from cancer last August.
Now George's owners, David and Christine Nasser, are awaiting confirmation from Guinness World Records to see if he has achieved the lofty heights.

According to David, George consumes 50kg of food every month, and sleeps alone in his own Queen Size Bed. 

David and Christine raised George from when he was 7 weeks old, but never expected him to grow so big.  



The couple eventually had to move their aptly named dog out of their king sized bed, when he grew too large for the three of them to share the same sheets. 

Dr. William Wallace of the Buena Pet Clinic in Tucson, who witnessed the documentation necessary for the Guinness record, said: 'In my 45 years of experience working with giant breed dogs, without question, George is the tallest dog I have ever seen.' 

David is currently rushing to get that necessary documentation into Guinness as other dog owners are coming forth claiming the record. 

As they wait for the results to come through, George is busy occupying himself with his new found stardom and even has a Facebook fan page and Twitter accounts for his adorning fans.

It appears as though the sky's the limit for this mammoth hound.

Paws for thought: George's giant feet dwarf his owner Dave Nassar's hand. Last August the worldĂ­s tallest dog, Gibson, a harlequin Great Dane, passed away from cancer

Friday, January 13, 2012

Is nature programmable?

Well using the prime motivator for all species and that being food it sure as hell is!




Life ends..when you stop Dreaming,
Hope ends..when you stop Believing,
Love ends.. when you stop Caring,
And Friendship ends.. when you stop Sharing!

Here endeth today's lesson

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Why men should not be agony aunts

We just not tuned into the sensitive side of life we far to practical
Great advice if you ask me!

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Monday, January 9, 2012

Throw away babies the depravity of Africa

A picture in our local Zululand paper this past week is
 so disturbing and heart breaking
This little child covered in human feces was saved out of a long drop or outside toilet where it had been discarded by its mother! What is wrong in South Africa how do you do this? It is quite a common occurrence in South Africa believe it or not!

The Paper reported the following

Discarded like a piece of rubbish into an eSikhawini pit latrine by her mother last week Tuesday, a perfectly formed, 2.5kg, full term baby girl was saved from certain death. It is believed that when the mother’s labour pains started, she simply went to the toilet, gave birth, and tossed her baby to die amongst human excrement. One of the baby’s saviours recounted the events. ‘Some time in the afternoon, the lady who owns the house heard a baby crying, and went to look for the noise. ‘She saw the baby in the toilet and called people to come help her. ‘So we took the baby out and called the police, and they took the baby to the clinic. ‘This is a terrible thing.’

According to community members, the mother was renting a room from the home owner in order to be near her boyfriend, and has since disappeared. Once members of the eSikhawini SAP arrived, the baby was immediately transported to the Thokozani Clinic, and then taken to the Lower Umfolozi District War Memorial Hospital in Empangeni. Hospital spokesperson Mvelo Nzuza says the baby girl is recovering well and is in a good condition. ‘She will remain here until a relative can be found. ‘If no relative can be found, she will be transported to a place of safety when she is old enough, and be entered into the South Africa’s social welfare system.

Original Report in the http://www.zululandobserver.co.za/

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

After the Mc-D's guide dog scandal a little smile

Why guide dogs are invaluable and should be allowed into the holiest sanctums
Heheee naughty

A little golf a hooker and what a marriage

Ed and Carolyn met while on a singles cruise and Ed fell head over heels for her.

When they discovered they lived in the same city only a few miles apart Ed was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got home.
 Within a couple of weeks, Ed had taken Carolyn to dance clubs, restaurants, concerts, movies, and museums. Ed became convinced that Carolyn was indeed his soul mate and true love. Every date seemed better than the last.


On the one-month anniversary of their first dinner on the cruise ship, Ed took Carolyn to a fine restaurant. While having cocktails and waiting for their salad, Ed said, "I guess you can tell I'm very much in love with you. I'd like a little serious talk before our relationship continues to the next stage. So, before I get a box out of my jacket and ask you a life changing question, it's only fair to warn you, I'm a total golf nut. I play golf, I read about golf, I watch golf on TV. In short, I eat, sleep, and breathe golf. If that's going to be a problem for us, you'd better say so now!"
Carolyn took a deep breath and responded, "Ed, that certainly won't be a problem. I love you as you are and I love golf too; but, since we're being totally honest with each other, you need to know that for the last five years I've been a hooker."


Ed said, "I bet it's because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball."