With apologies to all those of Italian origin and to those who contemplate a cruise in the Med.
# How do they serve alcoholic drinks on Italian cruise ships? - On the rocks
# What vegetables do you get with dinner on Italian cruise ships? - Leeks
# What's the fastest way to get off an Italian cruise ship? - Follow the captain
# When the captain of the ill fated Costa Concordia was asked if he knew where he was going he replied "off course." So the captain of the Costa Concordia will soon be in the dock. That's more than can be said for his ship.
# I like my women how I like my Italian Cruises. Wet, wrecked and ready to go down.
# The Costa Concordia is probably the most expensive thing to go down in Italy since Berlusconi's last hooker.
# What's the difference between the Italian economy and the stricken cruise liner Costa Concordia?
Nothing - The bottoms dropped out of both.
Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my husband would be pleasant and say, 'Happy Birthday!', and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, he barely said good morning, let alone ' Happy Birthday.' I thought.... Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids.... they will remember. My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word.. So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent. As I walked into my office, my handsome Boss Rick, said, 'Good Morning, lady, and by the way Happy Birthday! ' It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered. I worked until one o'clock , when Rick knocked on my door and said, 'You know, It's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me..' I said, 'Thanks, Rick, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!' We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. He chose instead a quiet bistro with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously. On the way back to the office, Rick said, 'You know, It's such a beautiful day... We don't need to go straight back to the office, Do We?' I responded, 'I guess not. What do you have in mind?' He said, 'Let's drop by my place, it's just around the corner.' After arriving at his house, Rick turned to me and said, If you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back.' 'Ok.' I nervously replied. He went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, he came out carrying a huge birthday cake ... Followed by my husband my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing 'Happy Birthday'. And I just sat there.... On the couch.... Naked.
Standing at nearly 1.09 Meters tall from paw to shoulder and weighing a staggering 111kg could this be the world's new tallest dog?
Pictured here in the parks of Tuscon, Arizona, George, a four-year-old blue great Dane, looks more like a Pony than a dog.
The gentle giant, who measures 2.22 meters from nose to tail, could be a prime contender to take the title from the former record holder, Gibson, a harlequin Great Dane who passed away from cancer last August.
Now George's owners, David and Christine Nasser, are awaiting confirmation from Guinness World Records to see if he has achieved the lofty heights.
According to David, George consumes 50kg of food every month, and sleeps alone in his own Queen Size Bed.
David and Christine raised George from when he was 7 weeks old, but never expected him to grow so big.
The couple eventually had to move their aptly named dog out of their king sized bed, when he grew too large for the three of them to share the same sheets.
Dr. William Wallace of the Buena Pet Clinic in Tucson, who witnessed the documentation necessary for the Guinness record, said: 'In my 45 years of experience working with giant breed dogs, without question, George is the tallest dog I have ever seen.'
David is currently rushing to get that necessary documentation into Guinness as other dog owners are coming forth claiming the record.
As they wait for the results to come through, George is busy occupying himself with his new found stardom and even has a Facebook fan page and Twitter accounts for his adorning fans.
It appears as though the sky's the limit for this mammoth hound.
Paws for thought: George's giant feet dwarf his owner Dave Nassar's hand. Last August the worldís tallest dog, Gibson, a harlequin Great Dane, passed away from cancer
A picture in our local Zululand paper this past week is
so disturbing and heart breaking
This little child covered in human feces was saved out of a long drop or outside toilet where it had been discarded by its mother! What is wrong in South Africa how do you do this? It is quite a common occurrence in South Africa believe it or not!
The Paper reported the following
Discarded like a piece of rubbish into an eSikhawini pit latrine by her mother last week Tuesday, a perfectly formed, 2.5kg, full term baby girl was saved from certain death. It is believed that when the mother’s labour pains started, she simply went to the toilet, gave birth, and tossed her baby to die amongst human excrement. One of the baby’s saviours recounted the events. ‘Some time in the afternoon, the lady who owns the house heard a baby crying, and went to look for the noise. ‘She saw the baby in the toilet and called people to come help her. ‘So we took the baby out and called the police, and they took the baby to the clinic. ‘This is a terrible thing.’
According to community members, the mother was renting a room from the home owner in order to be near her boyfriend, and has since disappeared. Once members of the eSikhawini SAP arrived, the baby was immediately transported to the Thokozani Clinic, and then taken to the Lower Umfolozi District War Memorial Hospital in Empangeni. Hospital spokesperson Mvelo Nzuza says the baby girl is recovering well and is in a good condition. ‘She will remain here until a relative can be found. ‘If no relative can be found, she will be transported to a place of safety when she is old enough, and be entered into the South Africa’s social welfare system.
Ed and Carolyn met while on a singles cruise and Ed fell head over heels for her.
When they discovered they lived in the same city only a few miles apart Ed was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got home.
Within a couple of weeks, Ed had taken Carolyn to dance clubs, restaurants, concerts, movies, and museums. Ed became convinced that Carolyn was indeed his soul mate and true love. Every date seemed better than the last.
On the one-month anniversary of their first dinner on the cruise ship, Ed took Carolyn to a fine restaurant. While having cocktails and waiting for their salad, Ed said, "I guess you can tell I'm very much in love with you. I'd like a little serious talk before our relationship continues to the next stage. So, before I get a box out of my jacket and ask you a life changing question, it's only fair to warn you, I'm a total golf nut. I play golf, I read about golf, I watch golf on TV. In short, I eat, sleep, and breathe golf. If that's going to be a problem for us, you'd better say so now!"
Carolyn took a deep breath and responded, "Ed, that certainly won't be a problem. I love you as you are and I love golf too; but, since we're being totally honest with each other, you need to know that for the last five years I've been a hooker."
Ed said, "I bet it's because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball."